8 July 2019
Tier 5 (Youth Mobility) Visa expired.
I don’t really have much to say … I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on. Everything is happening all at once and I don’t really know what to do. But I listened to this song a few minutes ago and then I listened to it again and I burst into tears and I can’t really put into words why it made me cry so much but I can say that what made me cry was when I heard the words:
drink, drinking in all of the sunshine,
reminding ourselves that there’s no time
to wander around in the cold.
I used to dream of the Extraordinary.
A naively optimistic expectation that offered More than what was Now.
A perpetual state of yearning.
Then I found silence.
Silence in the in-betweens.
In-betweens—where you wonder what's behind the stars, feel the winter cool your nose and repeatedly tell your friends, "I'm so glad we're doing this."
In-betweens—where you find the Extraordinary.
This is what More feels like.
This song will never not make me cry.
It’s the ache in my chest
Right before I rest
And though you’re there
I mourn the emptiness
That’s only inevitable.
I can never get this thing to feel like me.
Maybe it’s because I don’t really know who I am?
Or maybe I do and this is just another case of me questioning myself too much.
Either way, I’m starting again.