When You're a Non-Committal Career Slut

When You're a Non-Committal Career Slut
 Photo by   Bernard Marcelo

If you know me or you’ve read My Story, then you’ll know that I’ve always seemed to have a lack of commitment when it comes to careers. I’ve always been really good at trying new things and going where my curiosity takes me. I’m naturally a curious person. I was that annoying kid that kept asking, “Why?” “Why?” “But why?” I couldn’t help it! I wanted to know everything. And the Scorpio in me meant that I wanted to experience everything too.

So, I dabbled here and there with hobbies, studies, and jobs. And while having this history of so many experiences has taught me a lot, it has also been an insecurity of mine. I had this sense of disappointment in me because I could never stick to one thing or I could never last that long in a job. The average time I’d work in one place would be 3 months before I’d get bored, find something I didn’t like about the situation, or more dramatically - move country.

Every time I left a job or stopped studying something, I never felt like I was quitting. It would just feel like the right time to leave because certain things would come up in life that would make me decide to move on to something new. Either that or I’d just feel it wasn’t right for me.

I think I was quite fine with all of this up until I moved to London and had financial responsibilities. It’s easy to quit whenever you like when you’re living at home and don’t have to pay for anything. But doing that in London is not recommended when you have rent and bills to pay. I did it anyway because I was obviously irrational, irresponsible and reckless. But I also did it because I’ve always lived like that and I didn’t know any better. Plus, my flatmate/best friend, Lien and I were practically a married couple and shared our finances. I was extremely lucky to have her. (She’s pretty good with a budget.)

In one year of living in London, I worked 7 different jobs. 6 were paid and 1 was an unpaid internship. Not all of these were full time jobs. A couple only lasted a week. (Not my fault though.) And when you get paid monthly and have to pay rent monthly, you need some sort of stability when it comes to your income. I only started to feel that sense of financial stability when it was coming up to a year in London, right before I decided to leave.

As you could imagine, I was pretty stressed about money. I didn’t need to be because I always had help. I knew I’d always be okay. But the voice inside of me felt guilty about the decisions I’d made. In a way, I was ashamed with the person I was. That I was the kind of person to follow my gut and intuition, even if it didn’t make logical or rational sense.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret any of the decisions I made because I had to learn the lessons that came along with all of them. I said it myself before I moved to London, “I want to know what it feels like to struggle.” Honestly, what was I thinking? I basically set myself up to struggle. But really, things could have been worse and I always knew that.

I think the thing about me is I want to know who I am and what I want. However, I always associated that idea with only one thing. I wanted to be someone who when people asked, “What do you do?” I could answer with a quick, “I’m a photographer,” or “I’m in retail.” And that would be it. I could be definite and confident in that one statement.

But, as North London’s very own grime artist, Skepta would say, “THAT’S NOT ME.” And I know that. I’ve always known that. I will never be someone who can be simplified to one label or job. I will always be interested in so many things and I will always want to be doing more. Isn’t everyone like that, anyway?

We’re all such complex individuals who are made up of different likes, dislikes, values, beliefs, wants, needs … Whether we define ourselves by our job, or purpose, or whatever else, there will always be more to us than just that one thing.

Winging it.