March Intentions

March has hit and with it, a strong sense to slow down (according to me and my astrology).

February felt like a lot for me, emotionally. I quit my job, got two new internships, and spent a lot of time figuring out what kind of life I wanted to live and the type of person I wanted to be. (But I guess those last two parts are what I do on a daily basis, no matter what month it is.)

This need to slow down came about after a night out last weekend. The night out wasn’t anything crazy. In fact, it was pretty tame for us. I only had about 8 or so drinks, which is like, the standard for me on a chill night out.

We got home around 3:30 A.M. and ate leftover bolognese sauce. Something came over me and I couldn’t stop eating. I literally had 4 meals in the space of an hour. It was almost as if I had the munchies. Almost. (I didn’t smoke any weed.)

The last meal I had was a full bowl of pasta. I sat in my bed, stuffing my face with pasta and watching an episode of LOVE on Netflix. Once I finished the pasta, I realised just how much I’d actually eaten. (Literally, before the pasta I had already eaten a whole bowl of rice, an egg, toast, and Doritos. And more bolognese sauce.) I was full-as-fuck.

I passed out and woke up 4 hours later. It was Sunday morning and I was filled with regret that had manifested itself into a bloated stomach. This was the first time I’d ever regretted eating pasta. And I love pasta. Like, a lot.

Despite the lack of sleep, Sundays are mine and Lien’s favourite day so we like to take advantage of them. We went wandering around Columbia Road Flower Market and got food at Broadway Market.

It was only around 3 P.M. once we’d finished at Broadway Market but the tiredness had hit us hard. We started to walk home. It would be a 30 minute walk but we thought it would be nice. After 3 minutes, we gave up and found the nearest bus stop. We were dead inside.

When we got home, we said “Good night, love you” and retreated to our beds for rest of the night. We didn’t even have dinner. We were done with life.

I took a 3 hour nap, woke up around 7 P.M. and felt depressed. My mind and body was exhausted and it took a negative toll on my emotions.

At one point, while I was in bed watching a documentary on Netflix, a scene of a dog crying made me well up in tears. I don’t usually cry when it comes to animals in films, but I had a particularly strong emotional connection with this sad dog and it made me miss my own dog back home.

I knew I was only feeling this way because of my exhaustion, so I just let myself feel all the sadness, anxiety and confusion that was sitting in me.

The next morning I woke up earlier than usual and slightly anxious. But I wasn’t going to let that get to me. I knew that when this happened, I could do certain things to change my emotional state...

For me, it’s all about the morning routine. I’ve talked about this before but it’s the one thing that really affects me. And it doesn’t just affect how my day is, it affects how I am as a person and how I live every day.

So, I changed my morning routine to change my thought patterns and the anxiety went away. I also created some March intentions: to slow down, focus on my health, and give myself a lot of self-care and self-love.

This doesn’t mean I’m not going to go out and have some fun or indulge in and enjoy a cheeky dessert when I’m out at dinner. (I’m all about that balance, babe.) It just means that I’ll do things with a little more intention, and think before I say yes to everything that comes my way.

I know that there are events coming up in March that will change my routine up a bit, so if I can focus on the parts that I can control, and be a little more intentional with my actions and decisions, then I know it’ll help me in avoiding a mental breakdown. (And we all know how great I am at having those.)

Winging it.