Foolish and Impatient

I’m in the middle of waiting for my Tier 5 visa to be accepted. It’s been three weeks since I handed in my documents. I’m not worried about not getting accepted but when people ask you, “What if you don’t get the visa? What will you do?” I have a tiny internal anxiety attack. The thing is, I am 100% attached to the idea of moving to London and if it doesn’t happen, my life will be ruined. Yes, that’s me being the typical drama queen that I am but there is nothing I want more than to get away from my home, to get away from my family, and to be in that cold, grey city that I love.

These weeks have been testing my patience but I’m slowly adjusting and learning to deal with it because if there’s one thing I am absolutely terrible at—it’s patience. Especially when it comes to significant life events. How have I been learning to be patient? Well, I’ve been napping a lot and binge drinking on the weekends and going through a bit of a one-night-stand phase. But I think the whole one-night-stand phase has come to an end. I mean, it’s been three weeks since the last guy, so it feels like it’s come to an end. But who knows . . .

You see, I can’t commit to anything or anyone right now. Not now, not when I know I’m moving across the world. I’m stuck in this place, I call it the Waiting Game, where I can’t commit to a job or a second date or a yoga membership because soon enough it’ll end and there’d be no point to waste time or money on these things. So, my life is now: a lack in funds, a lack in love, and a lack in abs (but who am I kidding? I’m never going to have abs). Don’t get me wrong though, with all the lack, comes some fucking great moments: like sleeping with that one guy who lied to me about his job and kissing that sweet boy who turned out to be a fuckboy and going home with that Irish guy who surprisingly turned out to be really good. Like, really good.

I guess, my life is always going to have ups and downs and it won’t matter where in the world I’ll be because I’ll still be getting drunk on rum and kissing boys that I’ll never see again and having chill wine nights that turn into spontaneous adventures and doing whatever I can to make a fucking fool out of myself.

—Perth, WA, 7 June 2017