Foolish and Impatient

I’m in the middle of waiting for my Tier 5 visa to be accepted. It’s been three weeks since I handed in my documents. I’m not worried about not getting accepted but when people ask you, “What if you don’t get the visa? What will you do?” I have a tiny internal anxiety attack. The thing is, I am 100% attached to the idea of moving to London and if it doesn’t happen, my life will be ruined. Yes, that’s me being the typical drama queen that I am but there is nothing I want more than to get away from my home, to get away from my family, and to be in that cold, grey city that I love.

These weeks have been testing my patience but I’m slowly adjusting and learning to deal with it because if there’s one thing I am absolutely terrible at—it’s patience. Especially when it comes to significant life events. How have I been learning to be patient? Well, I’ve been napping a lot and binge drinking on the weekends and going through a bit of a one-night-stand phase. But I think the whole one-night-stand phase has come to an end. I mean, it’s been three weeks since the last guy, so it feels like it’s come to an end. But who knows . . .

You see, I can’t commit to anything or anyone right now. Not now, not when I know I’m moving across the world. I’m stuck in this place, I call it the Waiting Game, where I can’t commit to a job or a second date or a yoga membership because soon enough it’ll end and there’d be no point to waste time or money on these things. So, my life is now: a lack in funds, a lack in love, and a lack in abs (but who am I kidding? I’m never going to have abs). Don’t get me wrong though, with all the lack, comes some fucking great moments: like sleeping with that one guy who lied to me about his job and kissing that sweet boy who turned out to be a fuckboy and going home with that Irish guy who surprisingly turned out to be really good. Like, really good.

I guess, my life is always going to have ups and downs and it won’t matter where in the world I’ll be because I’ll still be getting drunk on rum and kissing boys that I’ll never see again and having chill wine nights that turn into spontaneous adventures and doing whatever I can to make a fucking fool out of myself.

The End

It’s been four months since I came back from Europe and life has only continued to get more exciting and crazy and amazing. A lot can happen in four months and it’s funny what the two words “fuck it” can lead to. I’ve found myself taking a spontaneous trip to Melbourne with Bernard and getting cheeky tattoos, celebrating life with friends over drinks, going on late night city adventures, having an emotional breakdown over La La Land, watching Carioca FC win the finals and sharing laughs with all those lads, having PRIME chats with @stephanalbu till 5AM, frequenting “Lucky Joe’s” with my partner in crime, Lien, and spending time with family Down South.

Lien and I are slowly in the process of getting everything ready for London and every time we’re together we stop and think about all the unexpected moments we’ve shared together. There’s something about the two of us when we’re together. We find ourselves in situations we would’ve never predicted. We’ll be doing our own thing, enjoying our lives, and then something will come up, we’ll look at each other and say, “fuck it!” Next thing you know, we’re not paying for our rum and cokes and sitting on a beach, wrapped in blankets, kissing boys till sunrise.

It took a long time to get to this point. I went through a lot of changes. But there was one thing I always had and that was my intuition. Whether I was in a good place or completely lost in life, I always followed my intuition. Others may have had their doubts about decisions I made, and they may have turned out to be right. But I always knew, that whatever decision I made, it would always be the right decision for me. Even when the outcome wouldn’t go the way I wanted it to, I knew it would always teach me something and lead me onto better things. Like finding myself, finding happiness, and finding London.